Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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