She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i think i just lost a toe
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
