i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
