He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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