She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
