just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
