Cold hands, warm shart.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Vodka?
Forever.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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