i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
