i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
