Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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