he wants to bone in the snuggie
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
