I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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