He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
