I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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