I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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