Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Holy shit dude........stairs
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize