So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
