wakey wakey hands off snakey
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
