I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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