Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
