i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
