He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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