i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
