I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize