just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
