He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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