i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
