i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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