I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
