my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
