Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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