oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
