Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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