FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
