I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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