I need help removing her.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
