i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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