areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize