Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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