She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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