I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
