My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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