If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My vagina is officially offended.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
