is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
