Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
