After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
