i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
