Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
