So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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