yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
