The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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