I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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