ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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