he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
