C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
