Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
