I hate your face
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize