i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
