I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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