Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
