Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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