I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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