The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
