guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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