It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
