ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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