If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't deserve a penis
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
