He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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