You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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