You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
