is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
