ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
