Your tits are I can't wait for
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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