Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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