im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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