Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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