11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
