I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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