you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
