and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
