i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
