wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh god it's open bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
