she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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