i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
