I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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