My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
