The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
