Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You smell like stripper and shame
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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