I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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