She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
