she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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