Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
