I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
