the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
