My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
