6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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