the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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