we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
