I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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