I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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