my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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