I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
