while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
