i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You ruined the universe
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
