if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
