He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he thought i was a dude.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
