So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
