You smell like stripper and shame
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
