there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
