Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
