Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
