im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
