I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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